A Deadly Disease

I have a disease - I put too much stock in my efforts and accomplishments before God.

That's right, it's a disease.

It's a disease that keeps me from experiencing the fullness of His love and grace. It's a disease that centers on what I have done (nothing) instead of what Christ did. It's a disease that leads me to try to earn my keep with God, instead of trusting that it's He who keeps me. It's a deadly disease that leads me to be short on mercy and grace with others, and abundant in judgement, because that's how I interpret God's dealings with me.

Call this disease what you want - self-righteousness, legalism, righteousness by works... Whatever you call it, it's a deadly disease.

And I got it.

It sucks the life from you and prevents you from living in a grace-empowered life. It's filled with condemnation and fear rather than peace and faith. It focuses righteousness before God on me rather than He.

I have been desiring lately to experience God's love for me in a greater way. I want to experience His love and grace in a way that brings freedom and peace, that I might share that same love and grace with others. Especially with my family - those who feel the brunt of my self-righteous and condemning gaze the most.

I wish I didn't have this disease. I want to offer others the same grace and mercy that God offers me. Problem is, if I myself don't walk in His grace and mercy, and instead try to earn my righteousness, I won't be able to offer that grace and mercy to others. In fact, I pass that same demand for "righteousness by works" on to others.

I can't give you my love and approval unless you tow the line just so.

It's not God's heart. It's wrong. It's sin.

But there is a cure to this disease - the cross. The cross of Christ turns my righteousness before God back on what Jesus did, and not what I can do. Because, you know, I never could do. And all my "do-ings" no matter how good I think they are, are nothing but filthy rags.

So I repent. Again. And chose to live a cross-centered life today. That I might not spread the disease of self-righteousness to others, but rather, spread the cure - God's grace, love and mercy found in Jesus Christ.

[Aside: The Lord has been dealing with me on this issue over the past few days, and reading this post this morning inspired me to return to the cross for the cure to my deadly disease... Read it here.]