Embracing the Struggle, and Leaning on God in Silence

So, what DO we do when things don't turn out as we thought they would? We took the step of faith and everything didn't fall right into place... What happened? Did I miss something? Did I miss God?

Somewhere along the way I think I was duped into thinking following God meant everything was going to go just as I anticipated "by faith" it should go. That somehow following God or doing His will was somehow hitting the heavenly "Easy" button and everything should go smoothly, especially when I take that step of faith. "If God is in it everything will fall into place," I believed.

While there is truth in that - God does take care of His people - there is no guarantee of not having difficulty along the journey, at least that has been my experience. Honestly by now, I feel I need to be real with myself and my experiences and instead of looking for the easy road, anticipate the difficulty, the struggle, the journey. Maybe that seems like a lack of faith to some, but my faith isn't as big and bold as I used to think.

But there is something to the struggle... it is in the struggle that we find new strength. Hopefully it's His strength. It's in the struggle that we cling to Him, and we gain confidence as we see Him provide and lead and comfort us time and time again.

I also believe I am seeing another truth play out in my life in regards to going through difficulty - It seems we gain confidence in Him through our silence.

In the past I have tried to move God's hand and favor through heartfelt prayers and hyped up faith. Over the last few years I feel a deeper strength that seems to come through silence, peace, and the Sacraments. I believe that peace and rest in difficulty has also come through a greater experience of His real, personal love for me.

So, what do we do when difficulty arises after we have made a move of faith or tried to make a change for good?

Actually I was hoping someone else had the answer. :)

I'm not sure what else to do but embrace it, knowing God uses difficulty to mold us and shape us into His Image. Difficulty is part of life. He never said we wouldn't experience it, but He did say He would walk with us through it.

An Anglican priest and friend of mine recorded these words as part of a song once, "It is in returning and rest we shall be saved, in quietness and rest shall be our strength."

So, I will (try) to quietly receive the difficulty, and trust His wisdom and peace will come through silence.

Transition Reflections - When Things Don't Go As Planned

Recently, my wife and I decided to move to New York State where we both grew up. We spent the last eight years of our lives in the great state of Kentucky. While I definitely enjoyed our time there (and will miss it!), something gnawed at me over the years - will we ever return to our home state?

Our family is there in NY, familiarity is there, I miss the winters (no, really!), and the like. But there was always the other side of the coin - I like Kentucky, the taxes (comparatively speaking - who "likes" taxes?), the (felt) freedoms, the home school laws (yay!), our friendships, our church family, etc.

But when the comfort of old friends and church family changed in the last couple of years due to us moving out of the county and the church dissolving and ceasing to gather, we were at a pretty serious crossroad. So the discussion of moving to our home state grew more real and serious than ever before.

So fast forward a bit and here we are... in New York, jobless and homeless! Just like we pictured... ha. Actually that makes it sound worse than it really is. We purposely moved up to stay with family for a time while we found a place of our own. However we moved up with me having the promise of a job, only to find out the company was using a deceitful sales scheme to sell their product. No thanks.

Point is, as we step toward something we feel is potentially good for us, that doesn't mean that everything is going to go just peachy. [The problem is that I thought this time it WAS going to go peachy!] Good or well intentioned changes doesn't equate to everything just falling into place, unfortunately. The reality is sometimes you're left feeling things are worse than before as you internally question your decision to change course.

So, this is partly why I find myself writing tonight when I haven't blogged in quite some time.

Maybe it will be good for me. Maybe for someone else to.

So, if it seems good, I plan to write some as my family and I journey through this transition. Maybe even more after. Assuming there is an "after" to the transition!

Can You Understand Your Way?

Well, the power is out at work so I thought I'd write a little...

A man’s steps are from the Lord; how then can man understand his way?

Lately this Scripture has brought me comfort. Though, implied is the fact that you will be feeling discomfort in order for this verse to bring you comfort.

Ha.

Funny ;)

The reference is from Proverbs 20:24. On the surface it makes sense - that we won't necessarily understand life's ups and downs, changes, sames, and so on... If God is directing our steps, how then can we as finite beings understand or grasp His infinite wisdom in how He directs?

However, the discomforting reality is that we WON'T understand.

That's hard.

At least for me.

Maybe those with greater faith never have a problem with not understanding, but not understanding is difficult for me. So many questions...

What about...?

How long...?

How does this fit...?

Am I missing You Lord...?

Are you really directing my steps...?

I guess this is where trust comes in. I don't have to understand, but I do need to trust....

Trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding.

Trust that all things work or good for those who love Him.

Trust that HE IS directing my steps.

And if I'm off track? If I've made a mistake or missed Him? Trust that He will guide me back on track. His track.

Lord, I don't understand my steps, but you have said that I won't necessarily understand when You are the One in control. Teach me to trust You more. Teach me to walk one day at a time and trust the "why's" of life to Your infinite wisdom. And help me to trust that if I'm off track, if I seek you and trust you and don't depend on my understanding, you will direct my steps. I want to stay close to You no matter what. You are enough. Amen.

Change

I'm sensing a need for change.

As I have grown over the last year, I am realizing a need to re-prioritize. We have seen a lot of changes in our lives (my wife, I and our kids), both inside of us, and outside. The changes, and I believe by God's grace - ongoing changes, are causing me to reevaluate and adjust my blogging habits.

I've posted about 500 times since last September (2011), being for the very most part faithful to jot daily as I originally committed to myself to do. Now, I feel the need to let that go, focusing on some other things, and post as I am inspired, as things happen in our family, and, you know, whenever I am feeling like it!

Though I may post less, I am hoping the posts will be more meaningful and from my heart. That is when I enjoy blogging the most. And, I anticipate the random and fun jots too.

So, on to the next phase of life (and blogging)!

Looking Back to Look Ahead

Liz and I were talking a few days ago about the year that was. We began discussing the various events that had occurred in our lives... paying off a chunk of debt in less than half the time we set out to do, getting laid off, starting a business, a new (old) job, visits from distant family, training a puppy then giving him away, broken appliances only to see God provide bountifully, and the list went on.

Though some things might be seen as negative or not good situations, we were able to look back and see God's hand in all of it. I'm thankful not necessarily for the difficult times in and of themselves, but for what God did in us through them. Or, even better, that He was with us through it all.

We looked back and ultimately were able to say with all our hearts, 2012 was a good year. We are so blessed; God showed His hand in our lives through His voice, our friends, His provision, love, and more.

As we pondered the year ahead, the typical New Year's resolutions weren't our first thought. Something seems different this year - it seems we are on a continual resolution with the Lord.

What I mean to say is that God is changing us, and speaking to us on an ongoing basis. Resolutions mean change, and this year it seemed we have been on a journey of change and growing throughout the year. We just want to keep going. Keep changing as we walk with Him. God knows I need change.

Not that He hasn't changed us or walked with us before, it's just... something is different this year. I can't quite put a finger on it, but maybe God has brought us (all by His doing) to a place of surrender that we have never been in before.

Or maybe not. Not sure.

Either way, I want to walk closer to Him this year than ever before.

And, there are a couple of resolutions that came to mind... one of them being to read more! I really would like to read more, but usually I read a book long enough and intense enough that I get the gist, pull out what I can, then lose interest. So my goal? 12 books this year. One per month, which is incredibly ambitious for me.

God is so kind and good to us. I am so thankful to be on this journey with Him. I am nothing without Him.

I know it's cliche, but, I don't know what this year will look like, I don't really know what the future holds... but I know who holds the future.

And in His hands is the only place I want to be.

Greater Work

I firmly believe that God is more interested in who we're becoming versus what we "do" with our life. While God is very interested in what we spend our life doing, He is more interested in who we become along the journey. I could be fulfilling God's call on my life, doing what I was born to do, but if I'm not being who He wants me to be in that, then what's it really worth?

And so, when the journey and destination are unclear and seemingly hidden, I can trust He is doing the greater work in me, than whatever work I actually end up doing.

And so, I propose a toast...

To the journey. And to change - being transformed into the image of His Son - the greatest work.

Cheers!

Grab A Different Crayon

My kids are good at coloring "outside the box." They chose colors and techniques that a "knowledgeable adult" wouldn't use.

I have so much to learn from them.

I had this simple thought today: its not easy to stop doing what you've always done.

There is a reason why people generally stay the same. There is a reason why we love and good rags to riches story - someone defeats the odds and becomes something more than what anyone would have thought was possible. Because odds are, we generally stay the same... keep the same patterns of thinking as our parents, believing the same things we always have, doing the same things we always have done, staying the same person we have always been.

It's funny, change requires change. But that's easier said than done.

And it requires us to think outside the box we've always thought in, just like my kids wonderfully color outside the coloring box so to speak. A different picture requires different colors, just like a different life requires different thoughts, words, and actions.

So here's to change and thinking outside the box. Let's grab a different crayon to color with. Let's stop doing the same old thing and start doing something new. Let's do something different, think something different, something God-like, thereby coloring a heavenly picture with our lives.

Culture

I read an article today that sparked something in me that I haven't thought much about in a while. When I was teaching math in upstate New York, we had a gentleman come in to lead a seminar with the teachers. Most likely the students had the day off while the teachers still reported for duty. Seminars like this were usually met with begrudging attitudes from the teachers whom didn't want to spend their day attending another seminar.

Something that this speaker said has stayed with me for years since I heard him talk about it. I don't remember all of the words he used, but the spirit of his message is what I caught.

He talked about the atmosphere of a school. The culture of a school. He talked about how you can change strategies and come up with new ideas for helping students succeed and creating a positive learning environment in the school, but if the culture doesn't shift there will be no lasting change to that school system. In other words, go ahead and change your slogans, come up with a fancy vision and mission statement, even new programs, but if that vision statement doesn't go any deeper than the letters on the page, nothing will ever really change.

You see, the culture, or ethos, of a school (business, home, etc) is affected by deeply held beliefs, and until those are changed, new ideas and hip strategies will fall short (the fact that we as teachers were begrudgingly attending the seminar pointed to a culture issue!). The culture or essence or spirit of a organization is a deep thing, and not impacted (for the long term) by a surface change. It is driven by these inner convictions and passions we have. Those passions and convictions and beliefs cause us to act, speak, etc in a particular way and without changing our beliefs, passions, and convictions, there again can be no long lasting change.

I love to think on this because it causes me to reflect on my life and see what I need to change. I love getting to the heart of things, diving deep below the surface. I want to get to the deepest part of my convictions and make sure they line up with Christ, that I may have long-lasting change and become more like Jesus. As the leader of my home, I have a huge impact on the culture of my home. My kids pick up my essence without even realizing it. They walk according to my beliefs by nature.

Just because you walk into KFC, it doesn't make you a chicken leg, right? Walking into a church doesn't make you a Christian. It is something that happens deep inside of a person - they are born again. I think of many of those who profess to know Christ, yet never seem to have a true change in actions...

Maybe they never have had a true culture shift? Have they had a real change in passions and beliefs? Were they ever truly born of the Spirit of God?

You can dress them up, teach them Christianese, give them self-help books, even the Scriptures to improve on their life, but the deep issues will come out at some point - they have never truly repented, they were never born again.

So, what's the culture of your business? Your family? Your life? What do people feel when they enter your business? How would people describe you when they are around you.

Good questions. I hope that the culture, or fragrance if you will, of my life is point people to Jesus.

To read the article that got me going on all this, click here.

Change

About one year ago this month, my family and I visited Gatlinburg, TN. The picture above was actually taken up near the Tennessee/North Carolina border, when you travel on Route 441 from Gatlinburg into the Smokey Mountains. It was a beautiful drive.

We hope to visit Gatlinburg again in the near future, and we will more than likely be in the same places we were about one year ago. The only difference is, I hope I am not in the same place.

I hope I am at a different place than I was last year.

What I mean by this is that I hope I am different. I hope I have changed, for the better! Here it is October; 2011 is quickly racing to a close, and it seems I was just reflecting on the changes I wanted to make and goals I wanted to reach in my life for this year.

So tonight I'm considering, am I really different? How am I doing at making those changes I wanted to make at the beginning of the year?

In some ways, I believe I am better. In other ways, I remain the same, or seem to have slipped backwards.

I don't believe we are supposed to stay stagnant and struggle with the same things all our lives. God has made us to be victorious and calls us to holiness.

I am thankful tonight, because the year is not over yet... I am still sucking air, and so I still have another opportunity to change, to get better, to become more like Jesus.

This year, as I visit the same place I was a year ago, I hope I will be in a different place.